The Understudies

Kelan Nee

On my birthday we drove to Kansas City

and fucked on the couch of the rental


while the TV was on. That night

we saw Romeo and Juliet at Shakespeare


in the Park. The understudies sat beside

us on a blanket in the grass. Drank wine


and whispered. That’s nearly all I remember

of that summer, though I know there was more,


know what you’ve told me. How I’d tie you

to the bed, and go for walks. Smoking cigarettes


on the back porch and arguing. Packing up

to move, I couldn’t keep your face straight,


a migraine setting in, and while I lay

on the couch, you drove to a car wash,


thinking of what to do if I really lost my mind.

I remember us flipping that couch on its back


while we made love. Cooking soup, though

it was nearly one hundred outside. You wearing


my shirt with the name of a beer across the front

that I couldn’t drink anymore. You masturbating


in bed beside me while I worked on a poem.

Some kind of care that I haven’t known since,


brief as it was, and maybe because it was brief. Us

shopping for Twizzlers at the corner market,


buying two brands of cigarettes each time I went

in. We spent so much time worrying


that the other would leave. When we left,

it was just like we’d rehearsed, just like we’d seen.


HOW DID THIS POEM BEGIN FOR YOU?

I was reading Anne Sexton and got completely obsessed with one poem of hers, “I Remember.” The whole conceit of Sexton’s poem is to remember, so I just started listing memories of a relationship that had ended. Memory is kind of laughably unreliable if taken for fact, which I love about it, and this particular relationship had begun when I was freshly sober (a reality that may have been ill-advised and also completely without regret), so my memories were simultaneously sharp and gauzy. Though what I really remember most is the feeling of it, and my affection for my then partner, I started listing my recollections, the stories and images that still stand out. I wrote, and overwrote, and cut down to what felt necessary for the poem, which will always feel an incomplete portrait of two people. Working on it has made me think that maybe that’s the point.
Kelan Nee is a carpenter and poet from Massachusetts. His debut collection, Felling, was the winner of the 2023 Vassar Miller Prize. His work has appeared in Poetry, The Paris Review, Adroit Journal, and elsewhere. He lives in Houston, where he is a Ph.D. candidate in critical poetics and the editor of Gulf Coast Journal.
Originally published:
October 15, 2025

Featured

Searching for Seamus Heaney

What I found when I resolved to read him
Elisa Gonzalez

What Happened When I Began to Speak Welsh

By learning my family's language, I hoped to join their conversation.
Dan Fox

When Does a Divorce Begin?

Most people think of it as failure. For me it was an achievement.
Anahid Nersessian

You Might Also Like

I dreamt of you

Iman Mersal
and
Robyn Creswell

After You

Sam Bailey


Newsletter

Sign up for The Yale Review newsletter to receive our latest articles in your inbox, as well as treasures from the archives, news, events, and more.